Alternative Facebook Warning Messages

As of  this afternoon, illness has kept me up for 38 hours straight. I think I’m on my seventh wind now, so I bring to you the Alternative Facebook Warning Messages (that I’ve run across on FB or Twitter or other interweb goodness)!

The original one:

If you don’t know, as of today, Facebook will automatically index all your info on Google, which allows everyone to view it. To change this option, go to Settings –> Privacy Settings –> Search –> then UN-CLICK the box that says ‘Allow indexing’. Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and paste onto your status for all your friends ASAP

The alternatives:

URGENT FACEBOOK UPDATE: As of today, Facebook staff will be allowed to eat your children and pets. To turn this option off, go to settings, then privacy, then meals. Click the top two boxes to prevent the employees of Facebook from eating your beloved children and pets. Copy this to your status to warn your friends!

ATTENTION: In case you don’t know, as of today, Facebook will automatically start plunging the Earth into the Sun. To change this option, go to Settings: Planetary Settings: Trajectory: then UN-CLICK the box that says “Apocalypse.” Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and paste onto your status for all to see….

If you don’t know, as of today, Facebook will automatically start replacing human beings with Cylons. To change this option, go to Settings –> Colonial Settings –> So Say We All, then CLICK the box that says ‘frak a toaster.’ Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and paste onto your status for all to see…

IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ: If you don’t know, as of today, Facebook will automatically fill the skies with bats and drop you into the depths of an ether binge. To change this option, go to Settings –> Las Vegas –> then UN-CLICK the box that says ‘Fear and Loathing.’ Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and paste onto your status for all to see.

If you don’t know, as of today, Facebook users will irrationally overreact about a change to the settings. Making it sound like Facebook is putting all your information out there for everyone to see, but in reality it’s only indexing already publicly available information. To freak out with everyone else, go to Setti…ngs –> Privacy Settings –> Search –> then UN-CLICK the box that says ‘Allow indexing’.

FACEBOOK UPDATE: Starting today, Facebook will be sending out Stormtroopers to do a search for two stolen droids. To ensure they do not expose your properties, go to Settings -> Jedi Mind Tricks. Check off the box labeled “These are not the droids you are looking for.” Copy this to your status and warn your friends!

If you don’t know, as of today, Facebook will automatically initiate the zombie apocalypse. To change this option, go to Settings –> Living Settings –> Dead/Undead –> then UN-CLICK the box that says “Turn me into a zombie.” Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and paste onto your status for all to see.

If you don’t know, as of today, Facebook will automatically start setting your underpants on fire when you least expect it. To change this option, goto Settings –> Spontaneous Combustion Settings –>underpants, then UN-CLICK the box that says ‘Underpants”.

If you don’t know, as of today, Facebook will automatically impregnate you, wether you are male or female To change this option, go to Settings –> parasite –> maybe cute, then UN-CLICK the box that says ’18 years of “FUN”.’ Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and paste onto your status for all to see.

If you’re currently building a Death Star and haven’t heard, as of today, Facebook will automatically allow an thermal exhaust port to remain open. To change this option, go to Settings > Death Star Settings > Thermal Exhaust Port then UN-CLICK the box that says ‘Allow Destruction.’ Facebook kept this one quiet. Please re-tweet for all Imperial work crews.

WARNING! As of today facebook will automatically begin stealing old people from their homes, starting with celebrity old people. To change this option, go to Settings–>Old People Theft Settings and uncheck the boxes for “Steal old people” and “Steal Betty White”. Thank you…for being a friend.

As of January 1st, Facebook will change everybody’s current Doctor to Doctor Who Number 11, played by Matt Smith. If you do not want to this change, go to Settings –> Special Episodes –> Doctor Who then UN-CLICK the box that says ‘Allow Regenerations.’ Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and paste onto your status for all to see.

And probably the most important one:

URGENT FACEBOOK UPDATE: Facebook has stolen your soul and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. No settings to change. Resistance is futile. Transmission end.

Sadly, I have not found a HPL themed message… yet…

New, shiny things @ your neighborhood university library

Today saw the launch of two major projects from Miami University:

New website! We finally got to move away from the university template (which didn’t allow room for much of anything) and this is the product that was years in the making. The site was build with drupal and right in the middle of the front page is MULtifacet, our home-grown next-gen OPAC. We just finished a two-phased usability study on MULtifacet and its former incarnation, Solrpac. Still in the analysis stage, but once the report is finished, I’ll let you all know.

New orientation video! While a vodcast isn’t anything new to MU, producing a vodcast in Mandarin Chinese is. This is part of the Libraries’ plan to accommodate the near 500% increase in international students coming to MU in the last five years, with the majority coming from China. We have plans to create other videos in other native languages of our international and ESL students.

New, shiny things are good! Especially before the students come back…

“Read My Lips: No New Policy” Deja Vu(?)

The belated news for today: OCLC has withdrawn the proposed new policy. They have reaffirmed the 1987 guidelines and will draft a new proposal with more membership input in the future.

It will be interesting to see how the process of creating the new policy will go. Nonetheless, the more interesting part of this story is the fact that history has repeated itself yet again. OCLC’s copyrighting of the bibliographic database in the 1980s saw immense resistance, leading up to the 1987 guidelines compromise. The early 1990s saw the Library of Congress trying to restrict access to their records within the US by changing the pricing structure of redistributing LC records, and LC failed spectacularly. I can’t help to notice some patterns between those three events:

Horrible PR decisions. All three events suffered from lack of communication between entity/business and community/customers. All three announced their final proposals without contemplating the consequences of their announcements. Even if was apparent that the company was going to go one direction (ex. OCLC’s copyright decision was heavily telegraphed during its push in the late 1970s by trying to create more restrictive contracts),  previous actions alone did not mean that the company’s motives behind the proposal would be widely understood.

Data restriction murkiness. Every event had questions arise about the legality of restricting bibliographic data. The complexity of US copyright law around bibliographic data (especially electronic data) creates an environment ripe for the propagation of grey areas. Is bibliographic data fact and therefore not copyrightable? Does changing the price structure for LC record distribution apply copyright-like controls to government data for US institutions? Can one entity/individual copyright a set of bibliographic data by applying the “selection, creativity, and arrangement” argument?

Culture clash. OCLC started off as a member cooperative, but has since drifted towards a traditional business model in the last couple decades. Nonetheless, while OCLC’s culture changed, the library culture, or more specifically the ideas around sharing and distribution of bibliographic data, did not.  It was this culture clash (heightened by PR mistakes) that fueled the heated dissent and discussion of OCLC’s policy event. In short, claiming ownership on something that was created by a community simply never goes well.

Again, it will be interesting to see where the new policy discussion goes in the future. Will we see another compromise like we saw in 1987, or will the matter drop all together, like LC’s pricing proposal?